


i was getting used to being someone you loved.

by blvkkcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, IM SOBBING, Im warning you, Like I'm sorry, Oneshot, PeterMJ - Freeform, Sad, Spideychelle, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, really sad, they were just starting to date, this is actually too much, this is really really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-29 03:16:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18217463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blvkkcat/pseuds/blvkkcat
Summary: (Events take place after the snap.)A couple weeks after Liz Allan had left Queens, Peter Parker started developing a crush on Michelle Jones. A week after, the two started dating. It felt amazing, Michelle felt like she was finally loved by someone. But one day, she saw a missing flyer and her whole world felt like it had ended.





	i was getting used to being someone you loved.

**Author's Note:**

> listen to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi, which is the song this is based off of, to be even more hurt. Preferably on repeat.

Peter Parker was  _dead_.

 

Or, at least that was what Michelle's pessimistic mind first wandered to after reading, " _Peter Parker: MISSING_."

 

She held the flyer close, gripping onto it. The air was dark, dusty and was hard to see through. It had been a couple days after the entirety of Queens disappeared. But, Michelle only cared about one thing.

 

Peter.

 

She was just coming to terms with liking him, the two hadn't even said, "I love you" and he was gone. Michelle was in pain, never imagining she'd ever lose someone who meant so much to her. He was her first love. Her first everything. 

 

She was scared to lose him. Out of disbelief, she looked at the flyer again. Reading it over and over until she felt numb. Like she could say it word for word without wanting to breakdown.

 

Michelle started stumbling down the sidewalk, stepping in the dust that was once a person she would've moved for. Holding the page tightly in her hand, she took her phone out with the other. The reception was bad, couldn't even see the screen that well.

 

She turned it on, a picture of the two on their first date was the lockscreen. "Peter, please say you're not dead. Give me a sign you're still alive." She spoke out loud to the screen, staring at his face.

 

He was smiling, he told her after that date that he was the happiest he had ever been. That he couldn't imagine going on a date with anyone else and feel that happy. Michelle was smiling in the picture, her the happiest she had ever been.

 

Now she looked at the photo and wanted to throw her phone far away from her. Hating the sight of it, it reminding her that he was gone. Never coming back. Another happy day with him, never to happen again. Their first kiss being their last. 

 

She dragged herself into her house, running up to her room and shutting herself in. Locking the door. Michelle pressed her back against her door, looking at the missing flyer and letting her emotions kick in.

 

"You're supposed to be here! You're supposed to help me through shit like this, where are you?" she sobbed, screaming at the page. "I was finally getting comfortable around you. I told you everything, well not everything but I still told you a lot. I told you about my parents, I told you about my childhood. I told you so much, nothing anyone ever knew. And now you're gone?"

 

She started to rip the page up, each tear made her feel numb. The sound of the paper being ripped sending signals to her brain to make her cry even more. To break her even more than she already was.

 

"I can't do this without you, Peter." she said, ripping another bit of the paper. "There's still so much we haven't done. We dreamed about, road-trips and fancy dates."

 

_Rip._

 

"Amusement parks, backpacking around Europe."

 

Rip.

 

"Everything we planned, everything we wanted. GONE! We wasted all our time wanting things only for you to disappear!"

 

Michelle finished ripping the page, ripping the pieces, and then those pieces. Repeating it until they were merely tiny shreds of paper, throwing them onto the ground. She slid down her door, staring at the pile of shreds. She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater, only to look down at it.

 

"I'm even wearing your sweater. This is your favorite sweater, by the way. One you specifically gave to me because you trusted me with it. Because you said it looked better on me, and that no one else could pull it off like I do." She started taking the sweater off, throwing it across the room.

 

"I don't know if I can get through this. I don't want to get through this without you. I need you, I need you to hold me and tell me everything's okay. I need to know more about you and tell you more about me. I need to have you here to comfort me, to sit here and let me cry into your shoulder about someone else. I don't want to cry over you."

 

She brought her legs up to her chest, rocking back and forth. Hugging herself, she cried even harder. "I want you hugging me, I don't want to hug myself. Only losers do that, and I'm not a loser. I want you back, you're my loser."

 

Struggling to get up, she held onto the wall and stood on her feet. She walked over to the sweater, grabbing it and wrapping it around her. Resembling his arms around her, holding her. 

 

She took her phone out again, weakly. Having somewhat of a reception, she called Ned. He picked up, relieving Michelle somewhat. "Hey MJ." 

 

For some reason, the words 'hey MJ' hurt her even more. Peter would always say it, even when they dated. He wasn't a big fan of pet names that much. She took a deep breath, "Peter's missing..." She let out, trying her best not to cry even more. But those words made Michelle even gloomier.

 

She was heartbroken. A part of her was torn away from her, ripped out of her. She felt empty. 

 

"I know...I saw the flyers. I helped put some up actually." Ned sighed, he sounded hurt by the news being told to him again. Michelle understood, Peter was his best friend. He lost someone he had known pretty much his entire life.

 

"Do you...think..." she tried to say the words, but refused. She could think it, but she didn't have the heart to say it. "Do I think he's dead? I don't know what to think, honestly. I'm just trying to see if anyone can find him first. Then I'll start worrying if he is."

 

Michelle let out a silent sob, almost like a gasp. "Michelle, what was the last conversation you had with him?" Ned asked, he knew she was devastated. "Um, well. We last talked about..." she gulped down the ball in her throat, she knew it'd come back.

 

"We, um...discussed our future. Well, not much of it, just dates and that. Small things, he asked me about my birthday and what I wanted. I told him I didn't want anything. And before I could tell him anything more, he went out the window."

 

Ned let her spill her thoughts, "what did you want to tell him?" he asked.

 

"That I already had what I wanted." she said, letting herself breakdown. Peter was everything she could've asked for. She didn't want anything else, she didn't want anything more.

 

"Michelle, just hold tight. Maybe he'll show up, it could be this big thing. He'll come back." He reassured her, calming Michelle was his only priority. He left his grieving for later. She hiccuped, "okay. I'll try to believe that. I'm gonna call Liz, see if she's not missing either. Bye, Ned." 

 

She hung up, coughing a bit. She went to wipe her face, only to remember one of her favorite memories of Peter.

 

_Michelle was slightly crying, her hamster had died. "MJ, you okay?" Peter said, walking into her room. She sniffled, sitting on her bed. "Sir Hams died. I had him since I was seven."  Peter walked over and sat down beside her, wrapping his arm around her. Enclosing her in a hug. "He was very old, MJ. It was his time, it's okay." He calmly said, rubbing her arm to sooth her. She sobbed into his shoulder, "I'm gonna miss Sir Hams. What a stupid name. Sir Hams. I only named him that because I wanted Hams to be short for Hamster." Peter let out a restrained chuckle, not wanting to laugh. But it made Michelle laugh. He peered down to her, wiped the tears off her face and kissed the top of her head._

 

Michelle pulled her hand away from her face. Keeping the salty liquid on her cheeks. She dialed Liz's number, patiently waiting for her to pick up. "Michelle?" She heard, another sigh of relief leaving Michelle's mouth. "Thank God, you're okay Liz." She wailed, making Liz suspicious. "Michelle, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Who disappeared?" Liz choked, causing Michelle to cry even more.

 

"Peter did." Michelle broke down, for what felt like the millionth time. In the span of thirty minutes, it felt like it had lasted three days. She heard Liz's shaking breaths before hearing a reply. "I'm so sorry, Michelle. Peter told me how you two got. How happy he felt with you."

 

Michelle cried even more, knowing Peter talked about her to Liz. "I don't want him to be gone." she said, not being able to control her emotions.

 

Liz sniffled, hearing Michelle this was broke her. "I know you don't, but we have to wait and see. Okay? He's not going to be gone forever." 

 

Michelle wanted to believe Liz, but she watched everyone disappear. She watched everyone turn to ash, she knew he wasn't coming back. That he was gone.

 

"Okay, thanks Liz. Stay safe." she rapidly said, hanging up. 

 

Michelle stared at her phone, spaced out. Nothing running through her mind, no thoughts, no words. One part of her just wanted to sit and cry. Another part taking over, calling Peter.

 

She hoped he'd pick up. That he was still out there, alive, finding his way back to her. But, nothing. It was just the sound of his voicemail, the two seconds of his voice made her smile. Then there was the tone.

 

"Hey, loser." Was the first thing she said, before the flood of tears broke out. "Um, so. I found this flyer earlier, a missing flyer. It had your name on it... Weird, I know cause you're not missing. You're still out there, just you don't have reception to call anyone. I get it, the only place I get reception is in my room."

 

Her voice trailed off, remembering his sweater was still wrapped around her shoulders. "Um, I'm wearing your sweater. It's clean, it's safe. So, that's something. You were right to trust me with it, I wouldn't let anything happen to it."

 

"You, left. I watched you jump out the bus window, don't play stupid when you call me back. I know I watched you. Wherever you went, please be safe. And alive an--" She ran out of minutes, the voicemail ending.

 

"No, no. I still have more to say." She dialed again, waiting for it to go to voicemail. "It's me again, it cut me off. Anyways, as I was saying. Please be okay. I can't do this without you, I don't want to do this without you. I'm scared to do this alone, people just...dissolved? Like, they were there and then they weren't and I watched it all happen."

 

"Please say you didn't do that too. Please say you're still here, somewhere. Just--" Voicemail ended once again, Michelle starting to cry again. She called him once again.

 

"Peter, please come back. I have no one, I can't talk to Ned because he needs to grieve. I can't have Liz here because she's moved and has her own things to worry about. I need you. I need you here with me. I need your hugs, your comfort. You helped me through so much and I don't think I could let anyone else help me.

 

Her bottom lip quivered, "I told you everything and now there's so much more I want to say. That I want to know about you, like why you miss decathlon and why you jumped out the window after seeing that ship in the sky. Peter, I love you. I always thought you'd be the one to say it first, but you're gone."

 

She coughed, squeezing her eyes shut. "Come back to me. Please." Her voice shook, her breathing unsteady. Hearing the voicemail end one last time, she finally had the courage to shut her phone off. 

 

Michelle was completely done. She was drained, she couldn't get up. Couldn't move, she felt numb. She made an effort to grab the stuffed bear that was on her bed, the one Peter won her on their first date.

 

She hugged it, keeping it close. Holding on tightly, not wanting to let it go. It was her last thing left of Peter besides the sweater. She would hum to it, sing their song sometimes. But now it hurt to even get one word out.

 

"Hey," she choked out. Trying to sing. "Everything will be just f-fine, when you come around. W-when you come around." She stopped, not wanting to continue. They would dance to that song. He would spin her around gently, sing the words to her. And the part she sang, he'd bring her in close. Kiss the top of her head and quietly sing it to her.

 

With every ounce of strength Michelle had left, she laid down. Still holding onto the bear as tight as she could. Crying. Crying so hard she felt like she would throw up, it hurt her brain. Giving her a headache.

 

She tried to steady her breathing, failing as she couldn't take the pain of losing Peter. The only person who truly got her, who was willing to get to know her.

 

Gone.

 

She didn't know for how long he'd be gone. Or if he was even alive. She was desperate. 

 

She closed her eyes, hoping all the hurt would leave. That she would fall asleep and wake up, this being just a dream. That somehow, Peter would be laying beside her. She'd be in his arms, him holding onto her just like she held onto the bear.

 

Michelle wanted to feel safe, the events happening out in the world, she was scared. Frightened. She slightly rocked herself back and forth on the bed, letting out tiny and nearly quiet sobs. Closing her eyes, she dreamed a short and sweet dream.

 

_"MJ, hey. We still on for tonight? May was driving me, so I wanted to know." Peter said, running up beside her as she walked down the hallway. Michelle looked over, this was all happening from her perspective. It felt real, because technically it was. It was a memory. "Yeah, loser. I'm still on. Where are we going again?" she asked, a small smile crept in at the corners of her mouth. "Bowling, and then the arcade." he replied, Michelle smirking and turning away. "You're going down, Parker."_

 

_Peter scoffed, "um, I think you're the one who's going down. I'm a master at bowling." Michelle laughed, turning into their class. "Keep telling yourself that, we'll see who's the master after I beat your ass." The two laughed, sitting down in their desks. Happy, together, both alive. Then it was back to real time._

 

The dream ended as Michelle opened her eyes, still having tears flow down. The happiest of memories haunted her now, she couldn't stand to have them replay. She couldn't sleep knowing she'd only be visited by memories of him.

 

She rolled onto her side, looking out her window. Struggling to see outside, partially because of her crying and partially because of the dust floating in the sky. Michelle whispered to herself, "please say you aren't floating in the sky."

 

Squeezing her eyes shut once again, she gasped for air. Crying harder than before. Holding onto the bear even tighter, she began to sing again. Staring outside, watching the dust float down.

 

"Everyt-thing will be just f-fine. When you c-come around. When y-you come a-around." She bawled, feeling weaker than before,

 

"Peter, come back to m-me." 

 

Michelle Jones was  _hurt_.

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO SORRY I FOUND THIS SONG AND I GOT REALLY SAD AND I THOUGHT OF THIS ONE SHOT PLEASE DONT HURT ME. and also the song Michelle is singing is stranger feelings by dreamgirl. thanks to hanna for suggesting it!!


End file.
